Great Ceaser's Ghost! Sometimes I look at a print ad and wonder: "What the hell was in their minds?"

Here's the newest full-color full-page pile of junk:

A woman's bare legs atop transparent plastic platform high heels.

The first thing that comes to mind is "hooker."

What's actually being sold? Direct Mail Lists.

People ... let's get one thing straight. Sex sells – but only when it's about sex or something sexy.

Mailing lists aren't sexy. Mailing lists won't turn you into a chick magnet. Mailing lists won't do a thing for your libido.

Yea – I know the purpose of this ad: Get someone's attention. OK – so you look at the legs. Then what?

The small headline on the top says – in reverse type on an orange background no less:

"ARE YOUR DM LISTS stripped down to the bare minimum?"

Then – in vertical type on the left side is the maxim:

"Get a leg up on the competition."

You see a large subhead that says "Get Moving." And a sub-sub head with the copy:

"Let XYZ Exclusive Lists SPIKE YOUR BUSINESS to New Heights.

Duh .... The rest of the copy is basically worthless because you really can't read it. Eleven line paragraphs that couldn't be scanned if you tried.

And this was inserted in a Direct Mail Trade Publication! In whatever one holds holy – what were they thinking?

Who does their ads? Some pimply-faced teen that gets off on streetwalkers in high heels? With copy that would get a novice fired in any third rate ad agency.

This entire ad is just plain crap.

I know a way they can get even more people to look at their next ad. Have a picture of a dancing gorilla - in pink bra and panties.

That'll sure get attention. No one in their right mind would buy the service – but they'd look sure at the ad.

Not the copy, mind you. The ad. You could put anything you wanted in the copy and no one would read it.

Maybe I should pitch them my idea about the gorilla. With the kind of stuff they're using – I'd probably make a fortune.